Choice

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Today, I will be brave with a list of four.  Four open and honest truths for me.
Today, I choose to write.  The author, Katherine Applegate, called herself a reluctant writer.  I connected immediately.  That is me, sitting on dead center, knowing that I should write, even if no one ever reads these words.  But writing is scary, someone might read it.  My thoughts are random, high and low, profound and absurd, radical and conservative, and, sometimes, all at once.  But they are my words.  Grammatically incorrect, riddled with errors, but they are mine and they are all I have to offer.  Today, I choose to write.  
Today, I choose to not be defined by my age.  Our culture sees 61 as old, really old.  Phrases begin to pop up.   “Retirement is right around the corner.  “You only have a few more good years left.”  “You should take it easy.”  (By the way, what does that even mean?)   According to the CDC, my  life expectancy is 78.6 years.  So, yes, my years on earth are limited.  They have been since the day I was born.   No denying the obvious and I am all too intimately familiar with death.  Rather, today, I choose not to give in to the mindset of complacency, non-innovation, despondency, or “this is all there is”.  Instead, today, I choose to explore this mind and body to the fullest. 
Today, I choose not to be defined by a number on the bathroom scale, the size of my waist, or the fit of my clothes.  Isn’t it ridiculous that I even care?  I mean, really.  Our idealistic culture is so ingrained that I must choose, be deliberate.  Ridiculous.  I choose variety, nutrients, and amount -  balance, creativity, and thoughtfulness.  I choose what works for me in the body I have now.   No one plan, person, committee has all the answers.   Individual bodies are just that, individual.  
I choose exercise as my play.  Body movement that brings healing, peace, and perspective.  Investigating  what can I  do, how far can I go, and what will this allow me to do next?  For me, there will be no wall of trophies, hundreds of social media followers, and probably,  no Boston Qualifying time.   For far too long, I yearned for specific running pace times and specific races.  Looking back, I see it as a waste of opportunities.  Opportunities of joy and adventure of the journey.   My play fills my bucket, works for my body, and, today, that is what matters.   
Today, I took one step forward and chose.  Will you?

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